Obnoxious Clients

THE SITUATION: Many years ago, when I was first getting started and eager for work, I (stupidly) agreed to a trade. I would provide the client with a brand new (simple) website in exchange for their one-time service (which would have cost me $300 if I had to pay for it).

3 years later….I’m still working on the site.

Not only did it grow into a monstrously-large and bizarrely-complicated project, the client took over a year to even agree on a design, and then another year to purchase hosting, all the while expecting the content of the site to magically appear, without him having to lift a finger. Once I informed him that the content of a website does not come out of the ether (and furthermore, would not be coming from me), he decided (6 months later) to hire somebody to write the content as well as “oversee” the project.

Oh, and did I mention this was an e-commerce site?

A few days ago I received a little email nudge from the “project manager” asking me if there was anything the client needed to do before I could launch the site.

This was my response.

DEAR MR. PROJECT MANAGER, I’m assuming you’re asking whether there is anything special that [Client X] needs to take care of before he can legally sell his product online. Dude, I am SO glad you asked me this question. I totally forgot to mention the fact that the [e-commerce] website is indeed missing a critical component, which [Client X] needs to have in place before I can finish the site and make it live. What is this critical component you ask?

THE.FREAKING.PRODUCT.ITSELF

I’m sorry man. I suspect by now you’re almost as anxious as I am to be done with this project. However, there is a reason this website has been a work-in-progress for almost 3 years. It’s pretty damn hard to motivate oneself (me) to work (for free) on an (overly-complicated) e-commerce site that doesn’t have an actual product to sell. [Client X] has been working on this product [basically a book teaching people how to make money] for years, and still there appears to be no end in site. How many times has he completely rewritten it? How many times has he made someone sit with him for hours while he looked through hundreds of photos trying to decide which couple exuded “a sense of financial freedom”, or which boat/car/house best represented “wealth”. I’m not sure I see the point in putting up a website advertising a product that doesn’t exist. It would be one thing if the book was being published in the somewhat near future, in which case I could understand wanting to get the site up ASAP to create some advanced buzz. However, you recently informed me that the book hasn’t even made it to the publisher for the first round of edits. Does [Client X] somehow think that he is going to sell millions of advanced copies based on his websites welcome video? Heck, has he even made the welcome video yet?

So to answer your question–Yes, there is indeed a specific requirement that must be met before the launch of an e-commerce website. The requirement being the presence of an ACTUAL PRODUCT TO SELL.

If you have further questions, you know where to find me.

Sincerely,

Your Web Developer