Obnoxious Clients

THE SITUATION: I was building an e-commerce site for a client whose shopping cart required a UPS API key for shipping purposes. So I went to UPS.com to get one, and found myself trapped inside a labyrinth of HELL. Ok. Maybe it wasn’t quite a labyrinth of hell, but it did royally suck.

THE PROCESS

1. First you must register for a My UPS account. [Where you best remember to check the box that specifically says NO EMAILS DAMMIT. Otherwise, they assume that the reason you didn't elect to receive at least one of their delightful email communications, is because you were so overwhelmed by the variety (of excuses conceived by UPS to fill your email with as much crap as possible) that you couldn't possibly make a rational decision. So to help you out, they'll send you every possible UPS-related email they can, so that you can be more informed of your options.]
2. Once you have a My UPS account, you can access the magical “request an access key” link. [It would be nice if by the time you clicked the magical link, you had a clue what the different APIs were for. Unfortunately the API descriptions are pithy to say the least.]
3. At which point you have to register for a completely different UPS account. [Which is bizarrely confusing since they don't really make it clear what the hell you are now registering for.]
4. And while the registration for My UPS was relatively quick and easy, this registration…is not.
   1. First you must define your shipping needs. [My shipping needs? I'm not shipping anything. Isn't this the developers section for people who, you know, develop websites for OTHERS?]
   2. Then you must fill out all of your contact information, AND your billing address? [Billing address? Why would I need to input a billing address?]
   3. Hey, lookee here, they want my credit card! Guess that explains the billing address. [Would UPS mind telling me why they want my credit card? I'm not buying anything am I? Does it cost something to register for a UPS account? What the heck is going on?]
   4. And now we get to my very favorite part, the “are you really who you say you are you” questions. [And while you would think it would be pretty easy for you to confirm your identify...it's not. I was literally asked about a phone number from 16 years ago, and that was one of the easier ones.]
5. If you manager to answer the questions correctly, THEN you can finally get the access key. At which point you will be so annoyed with UPS that you will log off your computer for the day)

So the the bottom line is, unless you want to be held financially responsible for your clients shipping costs, make them get the damn API key themselves.